New revelations are still coming out about the Secret Service almost three weeks after the original scandal erupted over agents soliciting prostitutes in Colombia.
Quick recap. Before U.S. President Barack Obama’s visit to Cartagena, Colombia, for the Summit of the Americas, about a dozen Secret Service agents tasked with guarding him brought prostitutes to their hotel for sexy times. Everything would have gone off without a hitch, except one agent refused to pay for the services rendered and the unpaid prostitute went to the local police.
The dispute was over $50. The starting salary for a Secret Service agent is $52,000.
Then there was the scandal about U.S. embassy staff in Brazil. In this case, the Americans not only refused to pay, but also threw the unpaid prostitute out of a still-moving vehicle, breaking her collarbone and puncturing a lung as they ran her over with the car.
Here’s some advice for all the fellas out there: pay your prostitute.
Now I know it seems unfair. Here you are in a post-orgasmic fog and the last thing you want to think about is the dirty aspect of capitalism in which goods and services are exchanged for money. But pay your prostitute. Yes, you’re fully satisfied and you can’t understand why she (or he) isn’t as well. But just pony up the cash already.
If you still need convincing, consider the following.
First, your prostitute earned that money. Not just anyone will touch your nasty dangly bits, and this kind person has done so under the understanding that she would be properly compensated for it. So just pay your prostitute. Did you not get exactly what you wanted? Maybe you wanted a Cleveland steamer and all you got was a glass-bottom boat. Did you still cum? Well, that’s like demanding a refund at a restaurant after you’ve eaten the whole meal. Tough titties. Now pay your prostitute.
Second, you’re already an asshole for hiring a prostitute, so what makes you think you’re above paying for those services? Don’t get me wrong; there’s nothing wrong with sex workers earning their money this way and it shouldn’t be illegal and we should all recognize sex work as a legitimate profession. But you’re still an asshole because there’s a strong chance the prostitute you’re bilking of her money wanted to be elsewhere and do other things. But since she was here and she did that, pay your prostitute. There’s no way you can claim superiority here.
Lastly, even if you sincerely think you shouldn’t have to pay, just pay her and no one gets hurt. Think of the Secret Service agent who thought $50 was too steep a price; he’s now jobless, his marriage is probably over and the whole world thinks he’s a scumbag. He should have just paid his prostitute. A quick Google search of “prostitute” and “refused to pay” brings up a few other good examples of why you should honour your side of the transaction.
Last year in Lleida, Spain, a man refused to pay his prostitute and when she contacted the police, they were both arrested and charged. Lose-lose.
A Ugandan man refused to pay his prostitute and was shamed by the entire town as the three-months-pregnant prostitute berated him in public. Lose…win?
In December, a Zimbabwe man refused to pay his prostitute and she responded by biting off his penis. Lose-lose-lose. (The third lose is for all men who just read that sentence about someone getting his dick chomped off.)
I hope I’ve made myself clear. Pay your prostitutes.