Human flesh capsules discovered by… wait, what?

South Korean customs agents were in for a nasty surprise early Monday morning. According to reports, Korea Customs Services seized thousands of drug capsules filled with “the powdered flesh of human babies.” Officials refused to comment on the possible source of the “human flesh capsules” or whose babies were turned into powder….

Wait. What the fuck? Is this for real? Apparently, it is. And this seems to be a recurring problem.

Jesus Tapdancing Christ.

This “human flesh capsule” story rattled me this morning. Rattled me good. I felt as I imagine Michael J. Fox would feel if he ever drove a shot old Neon down Pembina Highway at high speed after an all night ketamine binge. Shaken. Rattled. Twisted.

Why would anyone manufacture a human flesh capsule?

Well, Shelly, the answer is simple: Demand, of course.

Word on the street is mashed-up dried baby corpse makes for a good stamina booster. Real pep. Pop a couple in the AM with your caffeine injection, and hit the streets running. Rumour has it that the stuff is twice as powerful as most street-grade crystal meth, while entirely organic. Keeps you focused and flying for hours, and doesn’t ruin your enamel or produce seeping boils. I’m told a tight bump doesn’t even burn the nasal cavity.

The fact that the smugglers — who, obviously, claimed ignorance to the whole “made-from-babies” aspect — were carrying thousands upon thousands of these little helpers indicates a low cost per unit, at least to the lower level manufacturers and secondary distributors.

Which, of course, indicates an abundance of supply. Or “cash money,” as my associates in the trade like to call such a perfect storm of economic potential.

As all news reports confirm, South Korean officials refuse to comment as to the possible source of the mountains of infant flesh needed to fuel such an illicit trade. But unless the South Korea is just fucking with us all on this one, all signs seem to point pretty clearly in one direction: China.

Ah, China. Industrious nation of billions. Chinese officials maintain that they’ve been cracking down on the human infant flesh trade, but then again Chinese officials have been known to pull the leg of Western powers before.

The bottom line is, well, the Bottom Line here, folks. If you have a supply that can satisfy a demand, only an idiot would stop short of bending over backwards to do so. Capitalism rocks, baby.

image: PocketAces/

, , , , , ,