Pictured above is African spiritual medium and healer Mr. Sakho. Confused? Welcome to a new edition of shit we find on Kijiji.

The eminent, effluent, and enigmatic Sakho provides much more than many of others advertising their services. By now I’ve been numbed by the ads from pipefitters who probably failed their drug test in the oil sands and the guy who will pick up your dog’s shit. Not to be forgotten in today’s survey of Kijiji is Christian Gramma who only cares for kids three years old or younger, charges the mouth-agape-text-roommate-bone-your-girlfriend pittance of $5 an hour or $25 PER DAY. Remember she offers “lots of hugs and cuddles!”.^*

Services, which I assume are typical of a spiritual medium and healer, offered by the cherubic Sakho:

REMOVE NEGATIVITY
REUNITE LOVED ONES
SOLVED LEGAL PROBLEMS
BUISINESS SUCCESS
FOR LUCK AND TOTAL PROTECTION AGAINST UNKOWN FORCES.
OTHER/ETC.

What drew me to magnificent, magnanimous and malaprop Mr. Sakho was not my ennui or my inability to connect emotionally and sincerely to any other life form, but “PROTECTION AGAINST UNKOWN FORCES.” As someone who has made many enemies over the course of the last couple of weeks, a Christian Gramma is useless unless she knows Christian krav maga.

Previously we found Mexican shit on Kijiji. If you make any great discoveries on the site, send us a tip.

^*Please don’t consider this an endorsement for you to ditch your kids with a woman who charges less an hour than the 15-year-old who takes your abuse every morning at the Tim Hortons drive-thru. She can also text so that’s kinda weird.