At some point this week at the offices of
the Winnipeg Sun QMI, someone didn’t say the following: “Hmm, I think this might be in bad taste.”
And because that didn’t happen, the Sun newspapers have started a weekly game of “Bonk, Marry, Kill” with their readers.
Admit it, you’ve played it before.
Maybe you were bored during a long road trip or having some fun with your friends over lunch – but you no doubt have been asked this ridiculous, yet thought-provoking question before:
Bonk, marry, kill?
Well now we want to know your answer.
Every week, we’ll give you a choice of three celebrities from either the big screen, small screen or music industry and let you decide which one you would bonk, which one you would want to marry, and which one you would want to kill.
We’ll reveal the results at the end of the week on the website and in the paper.
There are a few problems with this.
First of all, it’s called Fuck, Marry, Kill. Piss off with your bonking nonsense. If you can’t say the real name of a game in your newspaper, maybe that’s a sign that you shouldn’t be playing it. However, if you insist on changing the name, surely you can choose a better word than bonk. How about screw, bang, plow, nail, rail or shtup?
This week, which appears to be the first installment of this exciting new game, features Helen Mirren, Charlize Theron and Julia Roberts. Putting Julia Roberts on any list where one of three possible outcomes is her death seems patently unfair. She has made way too many shitty rom-coms for her to do well in this game. (Unsurprisingly, she is currently crushing the competition in the kill category.)
Also, a big fuck-you to everyone who chose Charlize Theron over Helen Mirren for the “bonk” category. She played the Queen, god damn you!
To be fair, this isn’t the first time someone has played Fuck, Marry, Kill with readers. Jezebel occasionally does this and even there it’s slightly distasteful. But you, QMI, run a whole bunch of newspapers with a wide readership, and are not some niche blog. Please don’t ask your readers which woman they’d like to murder because she’s too un-fuckable.
UPDATE: The article has been taken off several Sun newspaper sites, including the Winnipeg and Toronto papers. No explanation, just a 404 page.