In the future, women run the world and throw balls of yarn at misbehaving men: a film review

This is the weirdest fucking thing you will see today. “First Ladies” is a short film made for the Ottawa Digi60 Film Festival that is ostensibly some kind of meditation on male and female power in society. However, it falters in its execution.

The only reason this film is significant at all is that it “stars” 23-year-old Maygan Sensenberger, also known as the wife of 69-year-old Canadian senator Rod Zimmer — and also known as the Crazy Air Canada Lady after she caused a disturbance on an airplane.

Anyway, that’s all behind us. We’re 40 years in the future now and women have taken over the country after some guy promised everyone giant erections (no joke). The seat of government is in something called The Womb. Women put knitting on public benches and statues as signs of support for the matriarchy. Men are routinely harassed by yarn-bombing — having balls of yarn thrown at them. Men’s position in society has never been so low, although they are seemingly still in demand as tech guys.

The reason we know this is because a woman looks directly at the camera and explains the entire plot in a weird, stilted monologue.

Sensenberger plays the Grand Mother, but even though the whole country is apparently waiting for her speech, she gets interrupted by a dominatrix with an invisible computer who tells her she has to attend to other affairs. Oh, also nobody but the Grand Mother is allowed to wear high heels.

The Grand Mother then talks to a man handcuffed to a bathroom faucet. He wants men to have the vote again, and he promises that all men are really sorry about their previous abuses, like that give-everyone-an-erection gambit that had gone so poorly 40 years earlier.

Then the film ends.

What have we learned? Women’s rights are important, camera equipment is cheaper than ever, and it’s time to abolish the Senate.

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