When the Bank of Canada released new polymer $100 bank notes, they were hailed as a marvelous update to the currency that would allow bills to last longer, make them harder (to counterfeit), and give more pleasure (to consumers). Then they started melting and shrinking when exposed to heat, leaving a whole nation unsatisfied.

The polymer bills were stress-tested to withstand a range of temperatures from -75°C up to 140°C. But out in the real world, they didn’t fare so well. Some people noticed that despite its touted durability, the new bank note essentially had the strength of toilet paper if there were any cracks. Next people reported that their money had melted when left in a hot car or near a heater.

Rather than admitting that their new bank notes, which don’t even feel like real money, might have some problems, the Bank of Canada has maintained throughout that the bills are indestructible. The Bank won’t even discuss the problem openly:

In response to a formal request from The Canadian Press, the Bank Of Canada released 134 pages of internal records — almost completely blanked out — concerning allegations its new polymer bills melted in the scorching summer sun.

The reason given for the heavy-handed censoring of the documents? National security, that last refuge of any bureaucrat trying to avoid embarrassment.

They should just bring back paper money that you can fold and store wherever you want without worrying about it crinkling like bacon. And maybe make the bills a little less pornographic this time, folks.

Canadian Press/Vancouver SunMona Billard