BUTI is a bold new tantric sex method workout style pioneered by someone named Bizzie Gold. She’s very tan and she has long blonde hair, so, gold. And business. Or she gets busy? There is no way that is her real name so guesses on what it’s supposed to mean are welcome.
According to the BUTI website, the workout is “a high-intensity workout that fuses yoga and dance with circuits of plyometrics and conditioning,” but what it really appears to be is a blend of sex, twerking and military-style calisthenics.
Watching the trailer — why are we now making trailers for workouts, by the way, but okay — is an exercise in and of itself. It is an exercise of one’s sanity and mental fortitude. A dozen scantily clad, lithe bodies rotate and gyrate frantically before moving on to bizarre jumping jack-esque movements. They’re not really jumping jacks, because apparently you have to sway your arms left and right above your head while landing on one foot at a time. It’s more like something a very fit gorilla would do immediately after being shot with a tranquilizer.
Is that a movement anyone made before BUTI revolutionized the human form?
A sizeable majority of the women working out in the video (and it is all women, OBVS) are either wearing underwear, have long flowing hair that they have not tied back, or both. The underwear thing I get, kind of. These ladies are moving and shaking! They don’t want no shorts and shirts with no legs and sleeves getting in the way.
However, given that decision-making process, it is completely illogical for them not to tie their hair back. As a lady-type person myself, and one who has both had long hair and exercised, I can attest to the fact that long, perfectly mussed hair is nothing but a hindrance when working out. Nothing but a sexy, sexy hindrance that makes all that gyrating look even more like one half of a very acrobatic sex session.
But people, we’re allowing ourselves to be sidetracked with questions of logic and hair. What really matters is that this unnervingly sexual workout has CHANGED FITNESS FOREVER. Gone are the utilitarian ponytails, the weights and treadmills, the people who don’t already look like models.
All hail the age of sports bras, simulated sex, and free hips!
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