Nature apologists are up in arms yet again as ranchers in Alberta are calling on the province to reinstate an annual grizzly bear hunt in the province.

The “controversial” practice of hunting bloodthirsty grizzly bears in the Wildrose province has been on ice since 2006, when the number of grizzlies in Alberta was estimated at 700. According to the Calgary Herald, ranchers in southern Alberta are calling on the province to deal with “problem grizzlies,” as numbers have apparently rebounded to over 1000 since the ban was put in place.

For those of you who haven’t been following nature’s relentless attacks on humanity, or our own federal government’s valiant efforts of late to subdue our unwashed enemies in nature, or the heartless nature apologists in our midst, here’s a brief recap: We are at war, you sons of bitches! If lakes and rivers, long known to be havens for all manner of dastardly natural enemies, expect to be protected in this great Dominion, they are plumb out of luck.

Sure, I’m all for peaceful co-existence between the species. But if bloodthirsty bears going about their “natural” business in their “natural” habitat can’t find a way to let humanity run rampant and our economy flourish, as the Good Lord intended when he created Capitalism, then they should move the fuck to China, or some other godless, ursine-loving hole.

But fear not, fellow human. Statistics are showing we are still winning this war, and solving the Bear Problem one beast at a time. According to the Calgary Herald,

Of the 15 grizzly bear deaths on provincial lands in 2012, all but one was human caused: one problem bear was destroyed; five were killed in self-defence; four were hit on roads; two were poached; and two were mistaken for black bears. One death was ruled as an unknown cause.

Good riddance to bad rubbish, eh boys? If we keep this up, we’ll soon be rid of these majestic symbols of strength and greatness that have plagued the imagination of humanity for too long. God speed.

Calgary Heralddavelau/Flickr