This is why the terrorists hate us is going to be an ongoing series in which we highlight things so awful, stupid or decadent that they could potentially inspire people in the developing world to commit acts of mass violence against us.

Meet the Anti-Loneliness Ramen Bowl, the dinnerware that lets you place your iPhone at the perfect angle to watch videos or talk with friends over Skype and FaceTime. Created by Japanese design firm MisoSoupDesign, these bowls are meant for the overlapping segment of a venn diagram for “nerdy” and “sad.” The company’s biggest mistake, however, is assuming that anyone who buys an iPhone-ready bowl has friends to talk to anyway.

As for banishing loneliness, the company couldn’t have chosen a worse food. Eating ramen noodles by yourself is one of the saddest things a person can do, right up there with knitting dog sweaters or DVRing episodes of Hoarders. Having an iPhone attached to this experience or — god forbid — having another person watch as you slurp your noodles is not going to make it any cooler.

Who exactly needed this innovation anyway? Were there that many people for whom long-distance relationships were breaking down because they couldn’t continue Skyping during dinner? Have these people not heard of pillows, books, or anything else against which one could prop a goddamn phone?

The bowls will go on sale this spring and the company is already taking pre-orders. No price is listed yet, but no price would be too high for these things. Anyone who buys crockery with built-in iPhone slots deserves to pay an asshole tax.