A group of boozehounds concerned consumers in the great United States of America are taking Anheuser-Busch to court for allegedly watering down their products.

According to the plaintiffs, inside information has been received to the effect that Budweiser, Michelob, and other varieties of Anheuser-Busch beers are watered down “as a matter of corporate practice,” the Associated Press reported earlier this week. Meanwhile, Reuters is reporting that

“attorneys for the plaintiffs say their lawsuit, filed in federal court in San Francisco on Friday, could affect tens of millions of consumers of products from Anheuser-Busch, the world’s largest brewer.”

Of course, Anheuser-Busch is denying the charges, calling them “groundless.” Regardless, the news has caused an uproar stateside, not to mention the torrent of snarky commentary from beer snobs like the Guardian’s Mark Dominic, who opined, “Watered-down Budweiser? Pick up a real beer instead.”

Now, I’m a Budweiser drinker myself. I enjoy its mild taste as it allows me to consume large quantities in a short period of time. I’ve been known to regularly purchase Burts of Bud on weeknights, for heaven’s sake. In fact, my favoured drinking establishments here in Winnipeg are well-attuned to my tastes at this point, and will hand me an ice cold Budweiser the moment I belly up to their bars without my having to say a word beyond “Howdy, pard.”

Having said that, I’m not some crazy brand-loyal beer bigot. I enjoy my Lucky Lagers, my Standards, or DABs just as much as I like a cool Bud. I’m also not averse to pounding back a healthy dose of Molson Dry, Half Pints St. James Pale Ales, or even the odd Old Vienna or Labatt 50. The bottom line is I like getting drunk, and when I get drunk I like to do so on beer. Basic, cheap beer, and plenty of it.

Dominic and other beeristocrats can scoff away all they want, suggesting only the common peasant (aka “Eighty percent of American beer drinkers”) enjoys this “flavourless” swill. The Real Man (or Lady) of distinguished beer tastes, of course, sip on only the finest in local craft beers.

Which, of course, is all fine and good. Like I mentioned, I enjoy a sexy St James Pale as much as the next loyal beer loving Winnipegger. But if I’m planning on a serious visit to Cold One City, my wallet and my palate cannot afford to choke back a dozen or more wildly flavourful blends of hops and barley.

So fuck it. To each their own, I always say. You can’t win ‘em all, anyhow. But this whole “watered down Budweiser” fiasco has me wondering: are the good people at Anheuser-Busch really so contemptuous of their clientele that they think they could do something like this and get away with it? If so, what do the good Americans who are loyal Budweiser drinkers think of it?

I’m heading down to Austin to cover SXSW next week. I’ll be checking out the music for Stylus Magazine, but I’ll be doing double duty here for the Albatross, trying to get to the bottom of this Budweiser business. If I’m lucky, I’ll learn a couple life lessons from the seedy underbelly of the Lone Star State’s capital while I’m at it.

Be sure to check back often to read about Sheldon’s booze-fuelled adventures down south as part of “America the Beautiful,” a series that may end up killing him.

AP/CTVOriginal: Motohide Miwa/Flickr