This goddamn “Budweiser business” just will not bite the bullet and go gently into that good night, you guys.

After spending a hellish week in America last month investigating the alleged “watering down of Anheuser-Busch” products, I came to the conclusion that the class-action lawsuit against the makers of the Great American Lager and other fine boozes was either a bunch of horseshit or, if it was true, that nobody gave a fat fuck one way or another.

Except, it seems, for Anheuser-Busch.

According to the Huffington Post — that last bastion of hard-hitting, investigative journalism — Anheuser-Busch is counter-suing the rat whistleblower behind the current legal action because he, ahem, “improperly used and misrepresented our confidential information to instigate these lawsuits, all for his personal gain.”

Buddy’s lawyer, of course, is claiming that the Kings of Beer are doing so as a means of “silencing” such rancorous dissent in the face of massive public backlash. Or some such bullshit.

Put yourself in Bud’s shoes for a moment. If some disgruntled Joe King-Can up and started dragging your good name through the blood, the mud and the beer on a national scale, involving you against your will in what could prove to be a costly legal endeavour, would you not hit back with all you got (ie. a crack team of high paid corporate lawyers)? Like fuck you wouldn’t. Don’t try to pull that shit with me, son.

But, seeing as I was planning on taking a little vacation in America, The Beautiful anyhow, my unpaying taskmaster super cool editor decided I might as well do a little more digging, this time among the retired set.

That’s right, friends: I’m headed to the Coachella Valley, aka Snowbird Central, California, for a week and a half of golf, pool lounging, and boozing with the aging and elderly. I’ll also be attending the second weekend of the massive corporate music whoop-up that is the Coachella festival to see what sort of kinky shit goes down at the Indio Polo Club. And the whole while, I’ll be reporting back to you, dear reader, while trying to get to the filthy bottom of this “Budweiser business.”