Where there was once a bastion of American Freedom north of the 49, now only the crushed dreams of hamburger fans remain.
The hard-hitting “news outlet” Huffington Post reported Tuesday that a Wendy’s in Brandon, Manitoba, was offering hungry customers the option of ordering a nine-patty T-Rex Burger. The cost to consumer? $21.99. The emotional reward for truly superhuman caloric intake (a T-Rex Burger is estimated to contain 3,000 calories)? Fucking priceless.
According to the Winnipeg Sun, another hard-hitting news outlet,
“The burgers were born after a fictional ad appeared in an edition of Sports Illustrated magazine nine years ago. Customers started requesting the artery-clogger and Wendy’s management had obliged almost daily for the past nine years — despite the fact it was not actually listed on the menu.”
After this fucking feat of short-order cookery at its finest was outed by the
jerks muckrakers over at the HuffPo (who caught wind thanks to Reddit, natch), Wendy’s corporate bigwigs put the kibosh on the T-Rex burger.
Thanks a lot, HuffPo. No amount of side-boob can make up for this blunder.
While banning the sale of the T-Rex Burger may indeed improve the health of consumers up in Brandon, Manitoba, by god it impedes their freedom to do whatever the fuck they want. Give me freedom or give me death, right? Fuckin’ rights reserved.
Luckily, reports that the T-Rex Burger is still kicking as a slyly rebranded “triple-triple burger” are circulating the Wheat City. Nice one.