Toronto Star columnist loves heroin, thinks pot legalization is stupid


It’s long been known that youth are wont to dabble in misbehaviour and mind-altering substances. Sometimes young adults move on, keeping hilarious - or scary — stories from their Crazy Daze as Drug People. Other times youthful indiscretions set someone up for a lifetime of substance abuse issues; it’s a bit of a gamble, but one that many young people take without a second thought.

Toronto Star columnist Rosie DiManno, who penned the best lede of all time, was one of those youths. In classic DiManno form, she opens her latest column with the rather surprising admission that her drug of choice, once upon a time, was heroin. She explains that “with the possible exception of sex, there’s no euphoric feeling on Earth so sweet as a smack rush,” and then writes that her rule to avoid addiction was “three times and out.”

But you know what’s not cool for kids to do, according to DiManno? Smoke pot.

Of all the substances available from your corner dealer, or your office connection, the most dimwitting, the dummy-down rope-a-dope champion, is cannabis.

Not a single habitual user I’ve ever known has been enhanced, augmented even slightly in personality or as good company, by weed. You may think you’re being clever and witty, but you’re merely imbecilic.

Well, fair enough. Smoking “cannabis,” as cool adult DiManno calls it, rarely makes people sound smarter or more interesting. Since she’s the one who brought up her own preferred substances, though, does she think heroin does make someone better company? Did she quit heroin because she was worried she would be too smart to socialize with her normal circle?

Since pot makes people sound dumb it is naturally a stupid idea to legalize it (though not to decriminalize it), and therefore Justin Trudeau, who recently came out in favour of legalization, is the physical embodiment of stupidity.

After ever-so-briefly mentioning something that deserves attention — the hacky, pandering way in which Trudeau declared he favoured pot legalization once it was abundantly clear that this was a safe position to hold — DiManno gets to the real meat-n-potatoes of the matter. Justin Trudeau made an analogy between how hard it is to buy tobacco, which is legal, versus marijuana, which is illegal.

“If nicotine is so destructive of health,” DiManno writes, “surely marijuana is no better. The zealous crusade against smoking can hardly be countenanced while simultaneously promoting easier access to cannabis.”

Except that nobody is trying to criminalize tobacco. There’s significant effort put into keeping it away from children and ensuring that every adult knows exactly what they’re doing to themselves, but no one argues that tobacco should be illegal. And presumably similar effort will be put into keeping pot out of kids’ hands if we ever legalize it.

It’s perfectly reasonable to argue that one substance should be legal while still fighting for regulations on another substance, especially if you think both substances should be regulated.

The main thing to remember here is that pot is terrible and heroin is great. Only a couple times though, because “needles are creepy, even when injecting subcutaneously rather than into a vein.”

Actually, also remember never to let DiManno give your kids a drug talk.

[Toronto Star] [image via Didi/Flickr]

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  • Pseu Do Nym

    Maybe I’m just too stoned, but I’ve enjoyed many fine conversations and much good company with folk who have been hitting the cheebs.