Zayn Malik, heartbreaker, breaks every straight woman’s heart at once

A 25-year-old woman processes her grief via GIF


Why, god, why? Why must you take the good ones from us so young?

It’s been a rough several weeks for straight women who have any goddamn eyes in their faces. First Seth Meyers got engaged, and now Zayn Malik of One Direction is off the market for realsies. He and British pop singer Perrie Edwards announced their engagement on Wednesday.

While Harry may be the de facto frontman of the group, and Louis is clearly the comedian, Zayn’s chiseled jaw and smouldering eyes exude a level of raw masculinity hard to imagine hiding in his 20-year-old frame. And, of course, Niall and Liam are pretty great too.

Seriously, though, dat jawline!

He’ll never ask you to kiss him.

There are four 1D dudes who are neither married nor engaged, though. That’s something!

If you have the sense to like One Direction you probably already have a crush on Harry. And that crush can get you through this difficult time; indeed, it may be the only thing that can.

Now, some of you may be protesting: Harry? It’s so obvious! Everyone in the world has a crush on Harry Styles. And it’s true, crushing on him is kind of played out. But there’s a reason crushing on him became so cliché. Several reasons, really.

Like that coy smile.

His schoolboy charm. (Literally: he was in school, like, 30 seconds ago.)

His hair, of course.

But perhaps most important of all: his four nipples.

Instead of wallowing in the grief Zayn has caused, or even worse, acknowledging that you will never meet let alone romance anyone in One Direction (ever), let Harry fill the void Zayn has created in your heart. And if we can’t have Zayn, at least we can all watch Zayn and Harry kiss. And we can enjoy the miracle that God hath wrought.

[Globe and Mail] [image via Fiona McKinlay/Flickr]

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