A Guelph, Ont. father has decided he, his girlfriend and two kids are going to live life like it’s 1986. In response to their children’s inability to look up from their iPads, Blair McMillan and his girlfriend Morgan decided to ban from their home all technology created after 1986 — the year he and Morgan were born.
It’s a well-known fact that being a parent is pretty much a license to screw with small humans who are legally required to put up with you.
Teaching children “lessons” in strange and unnecessary ways is the right of every breeder for both educational and sheer entertainment purposes. Whether through using a one-armed man to impress upon your progeny the importance of leaving a note, or embarrassing the shit out of them in a shopping mall for their choice in clothing, it is the duty of every parent to shape their kids through a home-made cocktail of parenting experiments that will help therapists feed their own families for at least another generation.
For these reasons, McMillan might just be father of the year. Removing his children from the comfortable surroundings of touch screens and the internet in favour of VHS and Nintendo will surely cause his children mental anguish.
Even more serious, though, is that five-year-old Trey will be entering elementary school with an entirely different set of experiences than his peers: they’ve been looking up porn and recipes while he’s been out catching bugs and making terraria for them. Once-universal childhood pastimes now sound like relics from the Stone Age. Keeping wild frogs in pails with tiny airholes? Collecting and displaying the carcasses of bugs you killed? If Trey has done any of the many things most kids in the 80s spent their summers working on, he is going to seem like a psycho to his future classmates.
The boycott of all things older than the personal laptop isn’t just for items in their home. McMillan has even insisted that work clients use arcane technology like fax machines to communicate with him.
On a family trip through the United States, McMillan’s children were forced to use things called “colouring books” in the car. The couple even took pictures on film — that they had to pay to have developed! — in order to see all the fun they had on their trip. Who even knows if they took pictures of all of their food, like normal people do?!
“This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you” is a common lie parents throw at their kids before laying down a punishment, but in McMillan’s case it just may be true. So kudos to you, Blair McMillan, for fighting the good fight!
[Toronto Sun] [image: screencap]