Everywhere Rex Murphy looks, he sees liberal hypocrisy and smugness. Sometimes it’s because latté-sipping denizens of Twitter Café don’t appreciate how friendly the prime minister is, and sometimes it’s because those highfalutin PETA types don’t think you should be able to own an exotic pet in a crowded city.

But no matter what the situation, it’s all great fodder for Rex’s inner comedian. His latest National Post column is a rambling stand-up bit about Tarzan, Darwin the Ikea monkey, and how stupid animal rights groups are for not wanting us to raise animals as people.

The sheepskin coat is the first puzzle. No one seems really troubled by this garment. Did we get a peep from PETA — the animal rights’ shock troops? Did Pamela Anderson ride in nude saddled on an escapee chicken from one of Col. Saunders’ [sic] henneries to protest the idea of one animal wearing the hide of another?

This is obviously Rex’s A-material, but the pièce de résistance comes when he asks us to imagine a gut-busting reversal: a sheep walking into Ikea wearing a monkey coat!

I’ll wait as you pick yourself up off the floor.

He ends his column wondering why we can’t all just let the nice lady have her monkey back:

“The woman has been on TV in a state of desperate mortification (no one asked her about that sheepskin coat though), desperate to get the monkey back. She loves the monkey, showers with it even. This is a harmony of interests that should not be interrupted.”

Well, who could argue with that? For heaven’s sake, they showered together! What kind of monster would destroy such a beautiful if disturbing union?

Although there is an obvious humorous… tone to the piece, it’s not exactly clear what the joke is. Rex remembers watching Tarzan? Monkeys are silly? Animal welfare groups advocate for animal welfare? Hmm… But if the comedy is lost on me, Rex’s National Post commenters were certainly laughing along heartily. Below are some of the most appreciative comments.

Strangely punctuated:

• The Pamela Anderson on a chicken, will go down in history, as one of the great lines Rex, well done sir..
• If that coat came from a seal, maybe than, an uproar.

Stop it, you’re killing me:

• Rex. Buddy. Cut it out. I am recovering from surgery here and you just made me laugh so hard I think I tore a stitch. Brilliant.

Let’s just eat monkeys:

• Just what’s wrong supporting PITA. It is a delicious cause. People Eating Tasty Animals…..oh, wrong group.

Greatest hits:

• Rex, this is your best work since you eviscerated Justin Trudeau.

Could’a been better:

• Hilarious Rex, you hit multiple deserving targets - Pam Anderson, PETA, Ikea….but, no way to include Justin in this one?